Archive for March, 2009

A friend sent me this crazy game called the Great Sperm Race. The idea is to try and get the spermies up the cervix to the egg and it is NOT EASY! I think this is a wonderful illustration of how truly difficult it is to actually get pregnant and how much of a miracle it really is. Try it out.




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IUI #1 Complete,

The deed is done. IUI #1 went over quickly and harmlessly. Husband went into the clinic deposited his sperm. Results there were good. He had 37.7 million motile sperm at Progression 4 (moving fast/hyperactivated). The doctor said they are usually happy if they get 10 million so it was exceptional. I undressed and put on my cautiously optimistic socks. The doctor and the nurse came in and poked around down there and presumably inserted the medical penis. In reality, it was done so quickly, I didn’t even know it happened. I felt a little jab and some mild cramping and then the doctor told me to lay and relax for 5 minutes and left the room. I misunderstood that he was coming back and kept laying there as I thought the procedure hadn’t even happened yet. The nurse came back a couple of times to see if I was still there and finally asked me what I was still doing there. It was embarassing when she told me, “um, your procedure is finished. you can go home now”. DUH!!!!!!

Now, I just wait……

photo1(me and my cautiously optimistic socks on the table)

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Today is the day of my first IUI. I got the positive OPK yesterday and we’re good to go. My husband sent me a message saying the spermies are awaiting my arrival at the clinic and we are all set to go. A good friend of mine just stopped by my office and gave me some “cautiously optimistic socks” to wear for the IUI today. So fucking sweet. I will be wearing them in the stirrups fo shizzle. I’ve also set up a post-IUI acpuncture treatment which should be good as well. Wish me luck!


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(image as seen on www.nd.edu)

The doctors had me come back in today for another ultrasound because I still haven’t gotten a positive OPK. They wanted to make sure that the follicles were still growing. The results were promising. I’ve now got one 20mm and one 18mm follicle with a 10mm lining (see my CD10 results here). That means one follicle’s been growing at a rate of 1.5mm per day and the other at 1.00mm. My lining has thickened at a rate of 1mm per day. Yes, I’m trying to show you that I know how to do math! They seemed pleased which in turn makes me pleased. I’ve read online that the ideal follicle size is 20-24mm for an IUI. The plan now is for me to keep using the OPK today (which was negative again) and tomorrow. If no positive OPK tomorrow then we do the ovidrel trigger shot tomorrow night and the IUI on Friday. I’m cautiously excited. Very cautiously.

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Femara is better than Clomid! At least it is, for me.
I went in for my CD 10 ultrasound today and I have two follicles 14mm each, one on the left and one on the right. And the Dr. turned to me and said, “I think you’re going to have two follicles this time”. HOORAY!!! My uterine lining was a little thin at 6mm but based on where the follicles are at, the Dr. said that 6mm was fine. As for the polyp it was unnoticeable which means that it’s either gone or has not grown which is good. This is actually really good news as I read somewhere the other day that with one follicle you have about a 7% chance of success with an IUI. With 2 or more, that increases to 29%! They asked me to start peeing on the stick on Sunday and if there is no positive by Monday, they said to call. I’m very excited for my first IUI. It’s hard not to get your hopes up, but I’m trying to ground myself so that if it doesn’t work, the fall won’t hurt as much.

On a separate note, my husband and I’s relationship is starting to strain. It’s so hard being a woman sometimes in this situation. Inevitably, the woman is the one that bears the brunt of the burden. She’s the one that lives her life in cycles and is told to change her eating habits, exercise habits, drinking habits to make this work. And yes, sometimes the male also has to make changes too but I am having a hard time not getting frustrated at the inequality of the whole process. It’s just not fair. It’s no one’s fault but I get angry and sometimes that anger becomes targeted at my husband for whatever it is that he’s doing. I’ve heard of couple’s breaking up after going through infertility and I desperately don’t want to be one of those couples.

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So far, Femara seems to be better than Clomid. I haven’t gotten the headaches that Clomid gave me and I don’t feel as agitated when I’m going about my normal business, but when I start talking about something that annoys me – the anger! It burst out of me! Also, yesterday, I wanted to go to IKEA and my husband didn’t want to, and I had a melt down. I took a shower, I climbed into bed and cried. It was so stupid. And you are probably reading this thinking…and Clomid made you even more of a bitch than this? The answer is…hell yes it did. I hopefully will not yell at my co-worker this time and say things like “What the FUCK is wrong with you!!!!!” or anything like that. I am very curiously awaiting my CD10 ultrasound. Friday could not come soon enough. I want to know what is going on in there. I’ve had some mild cramps today which is kind of weird and makes me nervous. I also want to know what is going on with the polyp. I’m praying that it went away (or hasn’t gotten bigger). One more full day of taking this Femara stuff and then we wait for Friday. GROW FOLLICLES GROW!

So what annoyed me yesterday was this girl who is the wife of a friend. She found out that we are having problems conceiving and she approached me at a party last week and said “I heard about what you’re going through. We have SO much in common, unfortunately.” So we made a date and met up to talk. She asked me to tell her my story and so I gave her the quick run down – not too much detail as I don’t know her that well. And I ask her how long they have been trying and she says, oh since November 2008. WTF! November 2008? Isn’t that like…FOUR months ago? How do we have anything in common? I’ve been trying for FOURTEEN months. So I politely said, oh. well, I’m way ahead in the process than you. And she says, “yeah but not by much”. Are you fucking kidding me? It takes the average person at least 9 months to get pregnant (some sources say 18 months). And she’s been trying only four. I felt so tricked into telling her my story. I felt so annoyed that she’s this upset about not getting pregnant after 4 months that she wanted to consult me, the only other infertile she knows, on it. I just couldn’t sympathize…until my husband, sweetly reminded me that I too, was frustrated at 4 months. Call it a woman’s sense. I just KNEW that something was wrong. And maybe she does too.

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femara It’s CD2 and my doctor has made a decision to switch me to Femara or Letrozole as it’s also called. The first pill is sitting in front of me as I’m typing. I need to get a glass of water to down it with. Femara is weird. It’s primary use is for breast cancer treatment. Its similar to Clomid in effect and it acts as a superovulation agent but it wasn’t designed to be used for fertility and the pharmaceutical company that makes it has never done the testing for it to market it as a fertility drug. I wonder if a bunch of women who were getting treated for breast cancer started getting pregnant with twins and they were like oh. sweet. it’s a fertility drug too. Anyway, the plastic pill bottle says: Do not use this medicine if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. Ummmmmmmmmmmm. There are studies that show that Femara actually causes birth defects in women who are taking it DURING pregnancy but not necessarily BEFORE pregnant. It’s still scary. I hate hate hate any drugs. You just don’t know what they are doing to you. It freaks me out to no end.

The reason for the switch is that he felt that the lining of my uterus was too thin when we did the ultrasound at CD10 last month when I was on Clomid. I had thought that Clomid was something that over time thinned the lining, not immediately. I suggested maybe taking progesterone with Clomid but he just said it was ok to switch to Femara. Why do I constantly feel like I’m suggesting things to my RE? And then when he says ok, I feel weird because me, the non-expert, had made the suggestion and so it’s like I’m prescribing my own treatment. It’s not that great of a feeling. I would love to hear more from other people that have been on Femara. I am going to go on a blog search now.

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