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Archive for June, 2009

It was negative. Of course. I don’t even know why I bothered. I guess because I’m feeling fat and I want to exercise like a mad woman and I thought I should check to make sure that it’s negative first before I do that. It is only 11dpiui and it is technically like 5pm but lets not even entertain the idea that if it was morning urine it would come up positive. It’s just not possible (I used First Response and it’s supposed to tell you up to 5 days before your expected period. It’s 3 days before my expected period). It’s a bust. I’ve been cramping intermittently – the same usual PMS symptoms – no sore boobs, cramps, tiredness. The only different things this cycle is that I’ve had no CM at all during my LP and I’ve been waking up to pee all the time and can’t sleep, but I think it’s the time difference, temperature difference and the jet lag that are causing the sleep abnormalities.

I guess I’ll just let loose now, start drinking coffee, run more and forget about yet another miserable failure and try to enjoy the rest of my holiday here. IVF up next I guess. Ugh. I just can’t believe it’s come to this. Beyond depressed.

Update: ok so I just noticed that I bought the wrong pregnancy test. I got the FR Rapid Results test instead of the Early Result test and the sensitivity of FR Rapid Results is 100miu of hcg vs. 25miu of hcg for FRER. You’re not supposed to use the FRRR until they day of your missed period. But whatever, I still stand firm that I am not pregnant.

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IVF and a new job

I’m about to start a new job in a couple of weeks and I’m excited. But I’m also a little nervous about the fact that I’m about to launch into IVF potentially and how to communicate the frequent doctor visits to my new boss. At my last job, my boss was well aware of my situation (we were good friends) and so he was super cool about letting me go whenever I needed to go. I’m pretty sure that it’s unnecessary to tell my new boss the reason for me having to go to the doctor all the time. Maybe I could just say I have medical issues but it sounds so weird and dishonest, especially for a new person on the job. But what about all the days that I will likely have to take off for egg retrieval and transfer, not to mention the countless ultrasounds? Anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this?

It’s 9dpiui now and I’m starting to feel “full” in the lower belly area. No cramps per say but I feel like it’s coming. This cycle is not quite over yet but I’m already anticipating and planning for the next steps you see…

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IUI#3: 8dpiui

I’m in Tokyo now. Hanging out with some friends and waiting out the two week wait far away from home and sadly, my husband. I thought it would be a good distraction but I am far from distracted. I keep touching my boobs to see if they hurt at all – nothing there. I keep pushing my belly to see if I’m bloated or if I just have gas. In fact, I feel just about nothing at all – no notable PMS or non-PMS symptoms. No cramps yet (fingers crossed that they don’t come), maybe a very very very dull pressure down in my lower belly that could be imaginary. I’ve got about 5 days till D-day which is when I get my period. My husband is funny. He keeps telling me that we are pregnant. I ask him how he knows and he says he has a spiritual connection with his sperm and he’s been getting signals that the mission was successful this time. He always has the ability to make me laugh about this crap even though the spiritual connection thing is a little weird and I don’t buy it for a second that I’m pregnant. You gotta laugh about this crap right?

I’m still mulling over what the doctor said at my consult. I’m so torn about doing IVF versus doing a lap and trying more IUIs to see if it takes. I guess I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with me and I feel like the lap would give me some answers. Is that a good enough reason to delay the possibility of pregnancy for another perhaps 4 or more months? Anyone have any advice?

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My doctor is definitely a researcher. Any question I asked was answered with a “well, as a matter of fact, there is research out there that shows…”. But this was a good meeting in my mind. My doctor is much more personable and easy to talk to in person. He actually gave me opinions which was good. This meeting was about what the next steps would be if this IUI fails.

Should we do injectables with IUI next?

He brought up a brand new research paper that was just released and copied it for me. This study shows that doing injectables after 3 failed cycles of clomid is of no value. The paper recommends that you go straight to IVF to get a baby faster and more reliably than injectables. Doc seems to think that we should probably just go straight to IVF. See the study here.

Should I have a laparoscopy?

His opinion on this was if I wanted to keep going with the IUI’s or wanted to bear children naturally, he said I could have a laparoscopy. But he said if I was to consider the IVF track, he would try to deter me from doing a lap because he said there’s no proof that a lap can improve your chances of conceiving via IVF. He did make a point to remind me that no matter how minor, a lap is a surgery and to not take that lightly.

Other interesting information

The other bit of information he downloaded on me yesterday was that Asian women have a reduced success rate of pregnancy after receiving fertility treatment. This goes for Japanese, Korean, Chinese and Indian women. They don’t know why, but he said there is a significant difference in the time it takes an average Caucasian women to conceive via treatment as compared to an average Asian woman. He believes that the medication affects Asians differently than they do Caucasian women and that somehow it affects the endometrium. I’m Japanese and therefore I am even more fucked than I was before. See the study here.

Decision time

No huge decisions have been made yet. Meanwhile I’ve signed up for the IVF information session. Will keep you posted.

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OMG. WTF. That was the most painful IUI ever! This RE has done the last 2 IUIs as well but apparently the shape of my hoo-ha was different this time and he had to poke and prod me and attempt THREE times to get the tube thingy in. In the end, he totally poked me in the wrong place and I am now laying on the couch still cramping from the ordeal.

That being said, the IUI was completely standard otherwise. About 40MM after prep and 92% motility. Hopfully there were eggs in the three viable follicles and at least one of them will catch the sperm but I’m not counting on it. I took an OPK test early afternoon today and the surge was already over (negative). Does anyone else feel like sometimes the IUIs come too late after your surge? Yesterday I felt super fertile with all the EWCM and today I’m dry as a bone – i.e. not feeling fertile. Fuck. It would be so awesome to be pregnant before I start my new job otherwise the whole escaping a new job for doctor’s appointments is going to be awkward at the very least. That’ll be a whole separate blog entry when I get to that point.

Now on to the 2ww. I hate this part. At least I have a consultation with my RE next Tuesday and then a trip to visit my family for 10 days on Wednesday. Both of those should provide some level of distraction.

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Positive OPK

I got the positive OPK today so I go in tomorrow for my 3rd IUI. Will the medical penis make it happen? Only time will tell but like I said before, I just don’t see how the hell this is going to work the 3rd time when it didn’t work the first two times. It’s also sad that I just talked about the act of trying to get pregnant and did not mention my husband once. He has been downgraded to sperm donor and replaced by the medical penis. Such is the un-romantic side of infertility. He’s still my life partner though and I love him more than the medical penis! I will also go in for acupuncture tomorrow morning before the IUI. Hopefully that’ll help the uterus be in tip top shape for what’s about to happen.

On another positive non-OPK note, I got a formal job offer today. I think I’m going to take it but need to do some negotiation. I hate negotiating. It just feels so greedy. These people are offering me a salary, benefits (good ones so I can continue on with my treatments) and most importantly, some sort of stability (in this employment market) and I am about to ask them for more. It doesn’t seem right. But then again I was told that every recruiter expects some negotiation and you can’t get something that you don’t ask for…right?

I’ve been unemployed now for almost 2 months and so many people said to me, “maybe you’ll get pregnant because you’re unemployed! some people relax when they are not working and get pregnant!” I’m here to tell everyone that 1) going on vacation does not make you pregnant (didn’t happen on my recent trip to mexico nor my recent trip to hawaii) 2) not working also does not make you pregnant. Dismiss those silly myths! It’s all a lie! However, laparoscopies apparently do get you pregnant. That’s the lesson I learned this June 2009.

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My husband just made me a $50 bet that it would work this time around. I told him I would take that bet. He said he wanted to double down. I told him I’d be happy to give him $100 if it worked…it’s just that I’m really that sure it’s not going to. After the last busted IUI, my husband and I decided that I should get to do something nice for myself after each failure, so the rule is that I get an all expense paid (courtesy of our joint bank account) facial when I get my period. At least then the first sight of blood on the toilet paper (excuse the graphicness) won’t make me feel completely worthless. If nothing else I will have moist, lovely youthful skin as opposed to my dry, old, barren body with the fertility of which is comparable to that of my 102 year old grandmother-in-law.

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