Archive for August, 2009

I think the powers that be are sending me a message. They don’t want us to have a baby.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling extremely fatigued, had chills (but no fever) and had sharp shooting pain that started behind my ear. It finally got so bad that I was screaming in pain and off to the ER we went. The doctors were puzzled and in the end, said it could be something nerve related but sent me home with vicodin to help ease the pain. Well duh. I think it may have been shingles, although I never got the rash. Because my husband, who’s never had chicken pox just broke out with it yesterday. He is in quarantine now of course (locked away from the outside world), but with our IVF cycle supposed to start with stimulants next week, and with our exposure to this stupid virus that stays in your body FOREVER, I am worried that the RE is not going to allow us to continue. Not to mention we have an appointment on Wednesday that requires both of us to be there to sign consent papers. My infected husband won’t be allowed within 100 feet of the RE office, unless I put him in a bubble! I feel awful for infecting him.

Does anyone else see this as a sign that I am not supposed to have kids? Why do things always have to be so fucking difficult when it comes to trying to have children? This is fuuuuuuuucked up.


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celine dion
(image as seen on cbc.new.ca)

In the latest celebrity infertility news, Celine Dion has become pregnant with an embryo that has been frozen for 8 years yo! That’s a really long time! I think they might have had male infertility factor, so they must have put away an embryo for later. Storing an embryo for 8 years x $1000/yr = $8,000. And that was in NY where shit is pricier so lets make it $10,000. Plus the FET which is like $8,000ish? That’s approximately an $18,000 baby. But when you’re Celine, that’s pocket change. She’s now 41 and supposedly only found out herself on Monday that she was knocked up. Kinda early to be breaking the news hey? You can read the whole article here.

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Lupron Day 3


There you have it. The meds that arrived in a huge box at my work. Holy crap, it’s intimidating to sit there and stare at all that stuff. Most of it is syringes, alcohol swabs etc. but it’s the syringes after all, that scare the shit out of me. The IVF injection class was informational and I’m glad my husband came with me. Our clinic does progesterone injections, not suppositories, so after the transfer, he will need to do intramuscular injections into my ass! The needles are huge and are very very scary. Not looking forward to that part. They say that should there be a positive pregnancy test, the progesterone injections will have to continue for 9 weeks!

Now lets talk about Lupron. I’m on day 3 of this stuff and it is having quite an effect on me. I’m zoned out pretty much all day (my boss did a little wave in front of my face in a meeting this afternoon) and holy shit, am I irritable. It’s going to take me a while to get used to feeling this way. Right now, I’m taking BCP and 10 units of lupron in the evening. I’ll stop the BCPs on Thursday and expect my period mid-week and then after that is when it’s going to be really on – with all the stimulants.

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I got my IVF calendar. I’ll be on what they call the long luteal protocol.
Next week, I start the lupron shots and then there’s a whole of lot of injections and finally the estimated egg transfer is mid-September.
Daunting, exciting, scary.
We’re finally here. This has to work…..right?

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The hysteroscopy was a walk in the park. The drug cocktail they gave me was glorious. A mixture of Valium, Vicodin and some other anti-spasm drug, plus some more pain killer in the drip. I was as happy and as loopy as a clam. The other part that was really neat was that I got to watch it on the TV screen while he went into my uterus and looked around for the polyp. It looked pretty cozy in there. If I was an embryo, I think I’d want to hang out in there. It turned out that there were three polyps all next to each other. He took what looked like gardening shears to me and went snip snip and cut them off and then flushed out the uterus with some fluid and it was all over. Easy as pie.

But then there’s the weird news. My RE has not been known to be the most bed side friendly doctor in the world. He walks in to the operating room and drops a piece of paper on my drugged up body. “Oh, I want to give this to you before I forget. These are the results of your husband’s sperm analysis. I recommend you do ICSI.” I was too loopy to really even look or comprehend anything so I said, um ok. My husband had done Krueger’s strict morphology sperm analysis a couple of weeks ago. This test takes a much closer look at the morphology of the sperm rather than the motility/volume like the regular sperm analysis tests. We hadn’t heard back on the results so we’d been waiting. The RE walked out of the room again and I picked up the paper and looked at it. Normal morphology rates are > 14%. My husband’s was 4%. 45% were amorphous. WTF does this mean???! When the RE walked back in, I said, “Um, doctor. So it says 4% were normal here. Does this mean that the rest of the sperm were going to have a hard time fertilizing an egg?”. He says, “yes, that’s right. That’s why I’m recommending you do ICSI”. For those of you that don’t know, that means that you have to inject a single sperm into an egg rather than dumping a bunch of sperm on to an egg and letting them go at it on their own. It’s often used for couples with male infertility…

Which means…are we no longer “unexplained” anymore? Do we have male infertility factor?

I was too loopy to ask any more questions.

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Tomorrow is surgery day…is this considered surgery? I don’t know. I still feeling nothing inside. It’s like the desire to have kids all of a sudden died inside of me. Now I can’t stop thinking about how much time I’ve wasted being miserable and pining about having a baby and the fact that I’ll never get that time back. I’m always so negative. I need a break from myself!

In the meantime, I’m been getting back into running shape, lost a little bit of the chubbiness and getting closer to what I was before. Just in time for injections and IVF! It’s amazing how much better I feel about myself though.

Hope everyone out there is doing ok! It sounds like quite a few of us are about to go through our first IVF cycle. Lets hold hands and get through this together.

Goodbye little polyp. You were an uninvited guest in my uterus and I will be glad to be rid of you.

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I took my first dose of antibiotics (Doxycycline) yesterday morning. The RE is having both my husband and I take them to kill microorganisms that may decrease fertility. Oh so stupid me, took an antibiotic on an early morning empty stomach and then downed some hot tea! Lets just say that I spent the next half an hour barfing my guts out…except there was nothing to barf out. Dry heaving and tea was all that was in there. Lesson learned! I’m on a regimen now of:

  • Doxycycline (with food and water)
  • BCPs
  • Prenatal vitamins
  • Acidophilus (to put back in the good bacteria that the antibiotics kill)

I now have an official “pill drawer” to keep all of my pills in one place. Today I added some Vicodin and Valium and some other drugs that I picked up at the pharmacy today – these will be used post-hysteroscopy on Friday. As much as I hate pill popping, it sounds so much better than stabbing myself with a needle. Holy shitballs.

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