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I didn’t do jack shit at work today. How could I? I was completely distracted by other new developments in my life. I snuck out of work to go get a blood test to confirm whether or not the pee stick was lying to me. My IVF nurse called me and said my beta was at 382. She said anything above 100 is good. She was also the one that was trying to unsuccessfully console me when this IVF cycle was canceled. She laughed and said, what did I tell you? Converted IVF cycles CAN result in pregnancy! But I’m still nervous and I should be.

My next blood test is on Friday. I’m surprised they don’t want me to go in on Wednesday. I’m kind of bummed that I have to wait four days to confirm whether this is still a viable pregnancy at that time. But I’ve done enough waiting. What’s another 4 days right?

Someone asked me about symptoms. Nothing in particular that strikes me as odd. I have cramps, I have boobs that are sore sometimes and sometimes not. Heavy full feeling in the belly. I love olives, not loving chocolate so much right now. It feels EXACTLY like I’m getting my period. In fact, as I sit here typing, I’m still wondering if I’m about to get it. I’m trying to figure out what made the IUI work this time that didn’t work the other times. I did have that hysteroscopy to remove the polyps in August and this is the first IUI since then. This is also the first time that I’ve done injectables and a trigger shot with an IUI. This is also the first time I used progesterone suppositories. We also had shingles (me) and chicken pox (husband) although I’m sure that has absolutely nothing to do with it. I am convinced that all of this is completely crazy and random.

We’re not completely out of the woods yet and won’t be for a while. My husband and I have decided that if something doesn’t work out with this pregnancy, at least this is a step forward in that we know we can get pregnant. This is the farthest we’ve ever gotten and for that I’m truly grateful.

Thanks for all the support ladies….

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The hysteroscopy was a walk in the park. The drug cocktail they gave me was glorious. A mixture of Valium, Vicodin and some other anti-spasm drug, plus some more pain killer in the drip. I was as happy and as loopy as a clam. The other part that was really neat was that I got to watch it on the TV screen while he went into my uterus and looked around for the polyp. It looked pretty cozy in there. If I was an embryo, I think I’d want to hang out in there. It turned out that there were three polyps all next to each other. He took what looked like gardening shears to me and went snip snip and cut them off and then flushed out the uterus with some fluid and it was all over. Easy as pie.

But then there’s the weird news. My RE has not been known to be the most bed side friendly doctor in the world. He walks in to the operating room and drops a piece of paper on my drugged up body. “Oh, I want to give this to you before I forget. These are the results of your husband’s sperm analysis. I recommend you do ICSI.” I was too loopy to really even look or comprehend anything so I said, um ok. My husband had done Krueger’s strict morphology sperm analysis a couple of weeks ago. This test takes a much closer look at the morphology of the sperm rather than the motility/volume like the regular sperm analysis tests. We hadn’t heard back on the results so we’d been waiting. The RE walked out of the room again and I picked up the paper and looked at it. Normal morphology rates are > 14%. My husband’s was 4%. 45% were amorphous. WTF does this mean???! When the RE walked back in, I said, “Um, doctor. So it says 4% were normal here. Does this mean that the rest of the sperm were going to have a hard time fertilizing an egg?”. He says, “yes, that’s right. That’s why I’m recommending you do ICSI”. For those of you that don’t know, that means that you have to inject a single sperm into an egg rather than dumping a bunch of sperm on to an egg and letting them go at it on their own. It’s often used for couples with male infertility…

Which means…are we no longer “unexplained” anymore? Do we have male infertility factor?

I was too loopy to ask any more questions.

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It hasn’t even been 3 hours since I’ve had the saline sonogram and I already got a call from my RE! I have been very unimpressed with him in the past, but after the past few consultations I’ve had with him, I am liking this guy more and more. I still have to probe him for his recommendation, which is an annoying trait for a specialized doctor, but he does give it up in the end.

His thoughts on my polyp were:

  • it’s very small – it measures 7x3mm and it’s only really considered to be a factor if it’s above 1cm
  • it is definitely not the cause of my infertility (perhaps a minor contribution)
  • removing it is optional because he’s seen lots of women with larger polyps get pregnant
  • women who have polyps tend to get polyps over and over again so even if we remove this one I may get another

His overall recommendation:

If you’re moving forward with IVF, it’s a minor procedure so lets just take it out to optimize your chances of success.

The good news is that I can schedule the hysteroscopy for within the first 10 days of my next cycle and he said it should not delay the IVF path that we are on! Day 1 of my next cycle, I should take my BCP as prescribed along with 10 days of antibiotics, do the hysteroscopy and the show goes on!

Feeling much better about the whole thing.

(image as seen on Dimeda)

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During my first medicated Clomid cycle, at the CD11 ultrasound, the doctor saw a 5mm polyp. At the time, he said that anything under 1cm was not really significant and therefore not worth removing. Since then no one has mentioned ever seeing it again so I was hoping it went away on its own. Well it popped up again during the saline sonogram today. It measured 7mm at the longest end so it’s still what the doctors would consider “very small” but the doctor who conducted my sonogram told me that she would recommend getting it removed via hysteroscopy. If you’re gonna spend the time and effort doing IVF, you might as well try to go into it in as good of shape as possible, right? So this is likely going to delay the starting of my IVF cycle and it’ll probably also make me have to take some time off work (on a new job!!! yikes) so not really happy about that, but I’ll do whatever the doctor tells me to do because I’m too tired to try and come up with my own ideas. On a positive note, I did not have Ashermans syndrome, fibroids or any other issues. Lets get rid of this polyp already.

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yesterday was our first appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist. a friend asked me if i was excited and i really wasn’t sure. i guess i felt “excited” in the sense that we’re doing something about the issue and being active about it makes me feel better. but then again, who knew that i would have to be paying someone money to help me have a baby?

our doctor was really nice and my husband and i both liked him immediately. he looked at our tests and did a review of our history and said, well what we have here is a case of “unexplained infertility”. in other words, we both look good on paper but the magic just ain’t happenin’. his advice? get started on a dose of 100mg of clomid and then try 3-4 round of IUIs.

we’re now letting the information marinate and are in discussions on when to get started on the IUIs. my friend who is a naturopathic doctor told me to do all my tests (and find out that we’re both fine) and then just forget about it for 6 months. SIX MONTHS! thinking about all this actually really stressed me out last night. i can’t imagine another year going by without successfully getting pregnant, so trying again naturally for another six months seems impossible. i think it will break me. some of my friends will start trying for their second kids this year and others will get married this year and have a baby before me. even though i’m happy for everyone who gets to have a baby, every time i’m told that someone else is newly pregnant, it kills me inside – because life is not fair and i’m not sure why it’s not happening for me.

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HSG

hysterosalpingogram
(image from webmd.com)

the day after christmas and i had an HSG today. i prepared myself for the very worst in terms of pain. it certainly wasn’t comfortable by any means but it wasn’t as painful as i had imagined. the radiology girl was so super duper nice it made it so much easier. i really appreciate it when doctors or their assistants explain the procedure to you in great detail and when they walk you through the process as it moves along. this doctor and her assistant were just great like that. the x-ray showed that i had no blockage which was a huge relief. the doctor also explained that this test is also therapeutic as well, as it cleans out any debris or crud that is in the fallopian tubes. she wished me the best of luck and then sent me on my way with a big fat pad from like 1980.

also today, my house guests left. shortly after, the woman called me in tears from the road. apparently she had told her husband that she had shared their story with me and he was furious with her. they had made a promise that they would not tell anyone and he was very upset that she had told me, despite the fact that we were going through a similar thing. all of a sudden i felt terribly guilty for knowing. i think for a lot of men, it can feel emasculating when they are told that they have male infertility issues and of course it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know. on the other hand, it is us women that have to go through the drugs and the hardships on our bodies regardless of who’s problem it is and i know that it must be so difficult for a woman to not be able to tell or share it with anyone. this woman had told me that she had struggled during her own journey for that reason and she told me that she was telling me now because she wanted to help me in any way that she could. i now feel uncomfortable for knowing and don’t know what to do…

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the doctor called me yesterday with my results from the 7dpo blood test and my progesterone levels are normal. i don’t know whether to be excited or exasperated. i still have the hysterosalpingogram that i have to do next month and then my pre-infertility clinic tests will be complete. meanwhile, life has gone on and today i am at 13dpo so my LP continues to stay more lengthened than it was before. i guess all the running really was not helping the ol’ LP because it really is the only lifestyle change that i’ve made (although i have been going to acupuncture as well…), but i do miss it so. i feel the dreaded period coming on as well so i’m sure that is right around the corner. preparing myself for bust #12. bring it bitch!

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