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Posts Tagged ‘bust’

It was negative. Of course. I don’t even know why I bothered. I guess because I’m feeling fat and I want to exercise like a mad woman and I thought I should check to make sure that it’s negative first before I do that. It is only 11dpiui and it is technically like 5pm but lets not even entertain the idea that if it was morning urine it would come up positive. It’s just not possible (I used First Response and it’s supposed to tell you up to 5 days before your expected period. It’s 3 days before my expected period). It’s a bust. I’ve been cramping intermittently – the same usual PMS symptoms – no sore boobs, cramps, tiredness. The only different things this cycle is that I’ve had no CM at all during my LP and I’ve been waking up to pee all the time and can’t sleep, but I think it’s the time difference, temperature difference and the jet lag that are causing the sleep abnormalities.

I guess I’ll just let loose now, start drinking coffee, run more and forget about yet another miserable failure and try to enjoy the rest of my holiday here. IVF up next I guess. Ugh. I just can’t believe it’s come to this. Beyond depressed.

Update: ok so I just noticed that I bought the wrong pregnancy test. I got the FR Rapid Results test instead of the Early Result test and the sensitivity of FR Rapid Results is 100miu of hcg vs. 25miu of hcg for FRER. You’re not supposed to use the FRRR until they day of your missed period. But whatever, I still stand firm that I am not pregnant.

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i’ve got nothing. again.

so as i correctly predicted yesterday, i got my period this morning. cycle #12 is another fucking bust! i knew it wasn’t going to happen this month (just like every other month) but why does it still feel so shitty? i felt like i set my expectations properly this time and still it just sucks ass. it’s hard not to get pissed off at your own body for not doing what you want it to do. so to punish myself, i went for a good hard run this morning (i multi-tasked and cried and ran at the same time), then went to the gym, lifted weights and did a million sit-ups. i’m a masochist. grrrrrrrrrrrr.

my husband tried to make me feel better by saying, “oh but you had a 13 day LP again, that’s great!”. god bless the man, but there is nothing great about having a 13 day LP and then getting your period. i said back to him, “well i don’t really think that the LP thing is why i’m not getting pregnant” and he said, “really? then what do you think it is?” and that really just insulted me. a) if i knew what it was, i wouldn’t have started this blog because maybe i would already be pregnant b) wait…does that comment imply that he thinks it’s all ME? that i’m the cause of our infertility? it really upset me because that’s just the whole point. we don’t know if it’s me, or him or both of us together. that’s why we’re going to the reproductive endocrinologist next month. it’s easy to see how relationships can get really tense when couples are infertile. what stops someone from secretly blaming the other person for their infertility problems? a woman is usually a good target for blame because she’s the one that’s supposed to carry the baby but even doctors have a hard time figuring out what’s going on and often diagnose couples with “unexplained infertility”.

it was just a insensitive thing for him to say, on a very bad day.

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