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Posts Tagged ‘follicles’

My first follicle check was not so great and I left sorely depressed and disappointed. As I mentioned in my last post, my initial E2 level was at 156. Even though the nurse who called me after the first test said that is right where they expect me to be, according to the RE that saw me today, 156 is pretty high for day 3 of stims, and that is why they dropped my dosage down a little bit. Today’s E2 was 402 so they are going to keep me on the same dosage but more worrisome is my follicle development and count. At baseline I had 13 antrafollicles. Today I had a 13mm, 11mm, 2x9mm, 8mm, and 4x6mm – that’s 5 follicles that are in the same range, the other 4 are probably out for the count. At this rate, I only have about 5 follicles in the running.

As you know, this is a numbers game. If I only have 5 follicles that make it to the right size by retrieval, then only a percentage of those will be mature, another percentage of those will fertilize and then another percentage of that will make it to Day 3 or Day 5 and transfer. When you start with 5 follicles, that could mean at the end of it, I could end up with ZERO embryos. My RE has said from the beginning, he would rather have fewer good quality embryos than lots of crappy ones. But I’m sure that even for him, he would consider 5 to be too low. The REs are trained to be positive in order to not stress you out. They said, “ohhhhhh well, lets just hope that the smaller ones catch up!” – “hope” being the key word here, people. My fucking hand is hovering over the red panic button. When that hand lands on the panic button, that is when I will really start to freak the fuck out and I’m dangerously close. If my RE would tell me that this is where he wants me to be at this point, then I could relax but right now, my hope is fading by the minute. The nurse who called to report my E2 levels said that this is still early and that hopefully the smaller ones will catch up by retrieval. There’s that word again – “hope”. But you know, I’ve done enough IUIs to know that uneven follicle development is not so great.

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“Wow, you really are sensitive to Femara aren’t you?” That’s what the RE that saw me today said. According to her, Femara is only supposed to help the growth of one follicle (which I guess is why it’s often used for women who don’t ovulate at all). This time I had a 17mm, 18mm, 14.4mm and 2 x 10mm on the left and 2x10mm in the right ovary with a 6mm lining. She said this looks like a good cycle with 3 viable follicles. I thought maybe the 6mm lining was a little thin but she didn’t say much about that. IUI will likely be Tuesday or Wednesday but I am so jaded. This shit is so not going to work for me. There is no optimism in any of this and I feel bleh about the whole thing. But I’m also in a really shitty mood right now so that probably doesn’t help my complete lack of excitement.

On a separate note, I watched the movie “Baby Mama” last night. It has it’s funny moments and in a few scenes captures how annoying some fertile women can be but other than that it’s a crap movie.

I also want to congratulate Caroline of Caroline…Infertile in a fertile world on her BFP! This has been a very fertile month for my infertile friends so far. Three pregnancies to date. Also there was the birth of a baby girl on Friday, who is the result of many IVFs. So it can happen for us. Lets try to keep the positive attitude everyone. Even though I don’t feel one bit positive today myself.

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