Posted in busts, tagged bust, infertility, LP, TTC on December 19, 2008|
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so as i correctly predicted yesterday, i got my period this morning. cycle #12 is another fucking bust! i knew it wasn’t going to happen this month (just like every other month) but why does it still feel so shitty? i felt like i set my expectations properly this time and still it just sucks ass. it’s hard not to get pissed off at your own body for not doing what you want it to do. so to punish myself, i went for a good hard run this morning (i multi-tasked and cried and ran at the same time), then went to the gym, lifted weights and did a million sit-ups. i’m a masochist. grrrrrrrrrrrr.
my husband tried to make me feel better by saying, “oh but you had a 13 day LP again, that’s great!”. god bless the man, but there is nothing great about having a 13 day LP and then getting your period. i said back to him, “well i don’t really think that the LP thing is why i’m not getting pregnant” and he said, “really? then what do you think it is?” and that really just insulted me. a) if i knew what it was, i wouldn’t have started this blog because maybe i would already be pregnant b) wait…does that comment imply that he thinks it’s all ME? that i’m the cause of our infertility? it really upset me because that’s just the whole point. we don’t know if it’s me, or him or both of us together. that’s why we’re going to the reproductive endocrinologist next month. it’s easy to see how relationships can get really tense when couples are infertile. what stops someone from secretly blaming the other person for their infertility problems? a woman is usually a good target for blame because she’s the one that’s supposed to carry the baby but even doctors have a hard time figuring out what’s going on and often diagnose couples with “unexplained infertility”.
it was just a insensitive thing for him to say, on a very bad day.
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Posted in busts, tagged BFN, infertility, LP, negative, pregnancy on November 21, 2008|
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Effort #11 has come and gone.
Sigh. It just never gets easier. I haven’t cried yet this time because at this point I’ve trained myself to not get my hopes up anymore. Except this month was actually different. My period was a day late so I had my hopes up just a teeny weeny little bit. I didn’t even let myself test until this morning – where I got a BFN (big fat negative) and subsequently later in the day I got the visit from my little not-so-loved “friend”. Refer back to the picture in this post for my current mood.
The upside to this month is that my LP was the longest it’s ever been! I had a 13 day LP this month (as opposed to the usual 10-11 day LP) which puts me in the 12-16 day “normal” range! HOORAY! I suppose that could mean that my “cut down on exercise” regime is actually helping a little bit.
Monday I will have to go get the CD3 blood test so the docs can examine my estrogen levels and also make sure my thyroid is functioning properly. they will also measure my FSH levels to get a gauge on the health and abundance of my egg supply.
Let the testing begin.
image from Dreamstime.com
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(image as seen on topleftpixel)
i’m a runner. it’s the one thing that gets my day going and it’s something i’ve done for over 20 years. i train once a week with the track club i joined last year and i was doing a couple of other speed workouts per week with my husband who is also a runner. after 4 months of not conceiving, we decided that i should cut down on speedwork training to once a week. afterall, the doctor said that running should not affect my fertility. but following ovulation days, intense workouts were causing me to have cramps later on in evening and it just didn’t feel right so now i’ve cut that out too.
my husband and i were reading this book called Six Steps to Increased Fertility and the first chapter was all about women and exercise. in this chapter, they suggest that women who exercise vigorously should try stopping all exercise for three months. man, that’s a long time for someone who is used to running every day. other articles like this one here, from Georgia Reproductive Specialists, suggest that there are different stages to exercise induced menstrual dysfunction and that you don’t necessarily need to stop having your periods to have a dysfunction. stage one is a shortened luteal phase (LP). that’s the phase in your cycle after you ovulate and your progesterone levels go up. most docs will say that you need to have at least an 11 day LP to allow enough time for the fertilized egg to implant into your uterus. mine is an average of 10 days (i’ve had an 8 day LP recently as well) so i’m thinking that i could be in stage 1.
it may be time to stop running completely. ugh.
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