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Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

I hate my job and it has become more pronounced and unbearable lately. I’ve only been there three months but I’m more jaded than some of the people who have been there for 5 years. Right before I got the BFP I decided to start interviewing. And then afterwards, I decided to keep going at it. The reality is, I’m still only 9 weeks tomorrow. Anything can happen. Why should I put off my long term career goals because of this? But should I tell my potential new employer that I am in early pregnancy at some stage during the interview process? And when? I am super torn about this right now. I just did a couple rounds of interviews at a place that I would really like to work and I just don’t know if and when to say anything. Because I have a twin pregnancy, I’m going to start showing soon. My gut is already sticking out and I’ve been hiding it under my wrap sweaters. I feel like witholding this information would just start things off on the wrong foot at the start of a new job. Anyone have any advice or thoughts?

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These photos are a little blurry but here they are anyway.

Baby A

Baby A
Baby B

Baby B

…and here’s both of them. She tried to squeeze them into the same view so one of them is squished. It’s the dark circle in the middle and the half circle on the right. I think.

both

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Two

Holy crap! There’s two in there! And most importantly, they both have heartbeats! One is measuring at 9mm (6w6d) with a heart rate of 127 and the other is 12mm (7w1d) with a heart rate of 147. The doctor I saw today was very pleased but of course, cautioned me about the fact that I was still very early and about vanishing twin syndrome. I go back in next week for another check up to see if they are progressing.

It continues to baffle me how we could have gone without getting pregnant for a full year naturally, and then for almost another year with fertility drugs and then all of sudden, bam, two at once. I can’t help but wonder about what it was that made it work this time (and twice as well!) but I guess I will never know the answer. For now, I am just relieved that there is life inside of me. I will post the ultrasound photos soon!

Thanks so much to everyone for all of your warm comments and support. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I do and will continue to follow you all on your journey’s as well.

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I remember when kate from infertile myrtle was doing the countdown for her first ultrasound. It’s actually quite agonizing. But I know I’m lucky to be here now and I will endure the wait. Things are normal (I think – but what do I know) so far. The last couple of days, food aversion has set in and I’m having trouble finding anything that I actually want to eat. It’s very strange.

A good friend of mine also just got pregnant…of course on her first try. I am amazed at the difference between the two of us. She’s so in love with pregnancy, so positive, so glowing. She’s even already named the thing. I feel like an old rusty door knob next to her. Partly it’s that I know too much (I started talking about ectopics and blighted ovums and almost burst her bubble). But it’s also because it’s hard to switch gears and go from identifying with being infertile to being pregnant. I still identify with all the ladies out there who are going through their cycles and those are the women that I want to cheer on and talk to and read about. I wonder if the girls out there that were having difficulties getting pregnant but now are, know what I am talking about?

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My nurse heard my panicked message and called me back this morning and asked me are you still cramping and bleeding? I was lucky to be able to answer, no. Well, technically I’m bleeding but…ok here goes the TMI. I have hemmorrhoids. I’ve gotten it once before and it looks like I have it again…and it’s bleeding red blood. I finally figured it out later this morning when the same thing happened and I saw drops of blood in my urine. Wiped the front – nothing. Tried wiping the back and saw bright red blood. I don’t want to celebrate having a hemmy but I am fucking stoked that it’s not coming out of the other hole. The nurse advised me to drink a ton of water (helps with cramping) and not to panic as my first beta number was strong. I did just that and I’ve had a relatively cramp free day and in fact I’d go as far as saying I feel great. But I’m paranoid that I feel too good though. The nurse moved my second beta up to tomorrow morning to help alleviate my stress, so at least I’ll get some reassurance (or bad news) tomorrow…

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It’s only been 2 days since I got the BFP and I already feel it slipping through my fingers. I’ve been cramping quite a bit the last day or so and last night I woke up in the middle of the night having to pee and with cramps. The next time I got up to pee at 5am, there were drops of blood in the toilet bowl with drops of red blood when I wiped. My boobs are less sore this morning too. All of this is a bad sign I’m sure. I’m trying to take it all in stride. It’s only been 2 days so my attachment level is low but it’s shitty to be in fear like this, especially when you’ve waited so long to get to this point. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom because I’m afraid to see more blood.

Ultimately though, my end goal is a healthy baby so if it’s not healthy and can’t get through the first week then it’s just not meant to be. I suppose I will call the clinic today and see if they want me to do anything. I don’t really know what to do with myself.

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I didn’t do jack shit at work today. How could I? I was completely distracted by other new developments in my life. I snuck out of work to go get a blood test to confirm whether or not the pee stick was lying to me. My IVF nurse called me and said my beta was at 382. She said anything above 100 is good. She was also the one that was trying to unsuccessfully console me when this IVF cycle was canceled. She laughed and said, what did I tell you? Converted IVF cycles CAN result in pregnancy! But I’m still nervous and I should be.

My next blood test is on Friday. I’m surprised they don’t want me to go in on Wednesday. I’m kind of bummed that I have to wait four days to confirm whether this is still a viable pregnancy at that time. But I’ve done enough waiting. What’s another 4 days right?

Someone asked me about symptoms. Nothing in particular that strikes me as odd. I have cramps, I have boobs that are sore sometimes and sometimes not. Heavy full feeling in the belly. I love olives, not loving chocolate so much right now. It feels EXACTLY like I’m getting my period. In fact, as I sit here typing, I’m still wondering if I’m about to get it. I’m trying to figure out what made the IUI work this time that didn’t work the other times. I did have that hysteroscopy to remove the polyps in August and this is the first IUI since then. This is also the first time that I’ve done injectables and a trigger shot with an IUI. This is also the first time I used progesterone suppositories. We also had shingles (me) and chicken pox (husband) although I’m sure that has absolutely nothing to do with it. I am convinced that all of this is completely crazy and random.

We’re not completely out of the woods yet and won’t be for a while. My husband and I have decided that if something doesn’t work out with this pregnancy, at least this is a step forward in that we know we can get pregnant. This is the farthest we’ve ever gotten and for that I’m truly grateful.

Thanks for all the support ladies….

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