9 days to ultrasound

I remember when kate from infertile myrtle was doing the countdown for her first ultrasound. It’s actually quite agonizing. But I know I’m lucky to be here now and I will endure the wait. Things are normal (I think – but what do I know) so far. The last couple of days, food aversion has set in and I’m having trouble finding anything that I actually want to eat. It’s very strange.

A good friend of mine also just got pregnant…of course on her first try. I am amazed at the difference between the two of us. She’s so in love with pregnancy, so positive, so glowing. She’s even already named the thing. I feel like an old rusty door knob next to her. Partly it’s that I know too much (I started talking about ectopics and blighted ovums and almost burst her bubble). But it’s also because it’s hard to switch gears and go from identifying with being infertile to being pregnant. I still identify with all the ladies out there who are going through their cycles and those are the women that I want to cheer on and talk to and read about. I wonder if the girls out there that were having difficulties getting pregnant but now are, know what I am talking about?

Read Full Post »

i’m complaining

it’s strange. because you’d think that a woman that has once been infertile but now pregnant would remember what it felt like when she was once infertile. i think i’ve mentioned before. two women that i work with are preggers. i went to lunch with them today (with another girl) and holy shit. all we talked about was pregnancy and babies. i tried to change the conversation many times and it just didn’t work. “ugh it’s horrible to feel so sick”, “i’m having a c-section”, “oh i think i have gestational diabetes”…blah blah blah. and both of these women know that i am having infertility issues! helloooooooooooo? i thought at least the one girl who became pregnant with IVF would have some sort of sympathy for me and want to talk about something else. but then again….not really.

note to self: never forget how frustrating this is and how difficult it is to have to listen to people complain about their pregnancies. be sensitive to other people’s situations. don’t do it.

(image as seen on the second road)

Read Full Post »